You parsimonious hag! (Formerly known as %$#&^*)

I am not a prude. However, I find swearing in print lazy. If you drop a hammer on your foot, sometimes an expletive will slip out. But in writing, when you have time to ponder the value and meaning of every little word, I find swearing absolutely unnecessary.

For example, instead of calling Justin Bieber a %*%^$, you can call him a dangerous brat.

Instead of calling Kim Kardashian a %&**, you can call her an inane waste.

Instead of calling your terrible Uncle Phil a %&*&$, you could call him an intolerable highbrow.

The worst thing someone ever called me was unreliable. I’ve been called lots of swear words (both to my face and behind my back) but unreliable stung the most. It was more thoughtful than a swear word. And thoughtfulness hurts.

So the next time your drop a hammer on your thumb, feel free to swear. But if you’re trying to tell off the person who just cut you in line, at least take a moment and consider more creative language.  %$#%&* is so unimaginative.  Arrogant schmuck is so much better.

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